It was Saroj’s fourth delivery. In accordance with the prevailing custom, she was brought home from her in-laws’ house. From the earlier three deliveries she had a son and two daughters. Relations with her in-laws were not good. But she was mentally quite strong and kept things to herself, without her mother and other relatives knowing much about her problems. But such matters cannot be kept secret for long.
Saroj’s fourth child was a boy. After the delivery, a letter was sent to her
husband Venu. In those days telephones were a rare luxury and those that
existed were in offices. The postal department had to be relied on for any
communication. The only other method was personal visits. Saroj’s in-laws were
expected to come and see the child. ‘Seeing the child’ was customary. Relatives
would come with small gifts for the baby. But surprisingly nobody from Venu’s
family visited. Not even Venu. He was a teacher and during those days he was
posted to a distant town. The situation was very unnatural and totally
unexpected. It was then that her family realized that matters were far more
serious than Saroj had made it out to be. Most of the time, Saroj was lost in
her thoughts. When tears filled her eyes, she made sure nobody noticed them.
One day her sister-in-law asked, ‘What is the matter? Why hasn’t anybody come
from your husband’s home?’
Saroj replied, ‘As you know, Venu is working very far away. It takes at least
two days for him to come and then to return. Maybe he is not getting leave. And
my father-in-law is not keeping very well either. Maybe that is why nobody has
come.’ They knew it was not true. She was trying to make it sound simpler than
it actually was.
The twenty-eighth day
of the birth of the child was an important day. Nobody from Venu’s home came to
attend that function either. Mother and child were usually taken to the husband’s
home any time after the 56th day of delivery. Nobody came to take Saroj home.
Nor did they send any message as to when they were planning to come. A letter
was therefore dispatched requesting that Venu come and take her home. Again,
there was no response. A reminder was sent a few days later which also remained
unacknowledged. Saroj realized with shock and agony that her suspicion that she
was no longer welcome at her husband’s home was true. They were abandoning her
and her child without actually throwing her out physically.
It was time for Saroj to make up her mind. She knew that her brothers supported
her to the hilt. Since her in-laws did not come to take her, another letter was
sent informing them that Saroj's mother would take her to Venu’s home. Since
they suspected that the reception might not be very pleasant, two of her
brothers also accompanied Saroj and their mother. But they were in for a
surprise when they reached Venu’s home.
A couple of hours before they arrived, the in-laws had left, along with the
children. They were thus greeted by a locked door. Seeing them standing outside
the house, a few neighbours came down.
On enquiry one of them said, ‘All of them left this morning in a hurry. The
children were not even dressed properly. They said they would return by
evening.’
Another neighbour said, ‘Yes, that is right. In fact they have tied their cow
in our house requesting us to take care of it till evening.’
Yet another one wondered, ‘But how could they leave if they knew that the
daughter-in-law of the house was supposed to come today with the newborn child?
Their arrival should have been celebrated in a grand way.’
Everything was clear as crystal by then. They didn’t want to be at home when
Saroj and the child arrived. They probably thought that Saroj would come with
the child, and seeing the door locked, would go back to her own mother and
brothers. The family could then return safely, having got rid of her and the
child without making a fuss. It was as easy as that.
More neighbours had joined the gathering. They had regularly witnessed her
plight and her silent suffering. Everybody understood that the in-laws had gone
away in order to abandon her. They were very sympathetic towards her and
equally angry towards her in-laws.
It was time to make some hard decisions. Saroj had two options: (1) to return
to her parents' home with the child and stay there for the rest of her life,
dependent on her brothers, or (2) to break open the door, get into the house
which was also hers by right, and live there, face life boldly, and be prepared
to face endless problems. She had to take the decision. Her
family and neighbours pledged their strong support to her. But the decision …
it had to be hers, and hers alone.
She thought over both options. Going back and staying with brothers was
certainly not very comfortable. They themselves were not well-to-do and had
their own problems. She and the newborn child would be a burden and would add
to their woes. Even if they were ready to protect her, how long would they be
able to continue? Wouldn't there be bickering sooner or later? What should she
do?
Life was looking directly and menacingly into her face. She was all alone in
the world with a two-month old child. If she chose option two, she might be met
not only by the hostility of her in-laws but even physical attacks. How would
she live? She had been a housewife working as a servant and had no earnings.
The child had to be brought up and provided with a good education and a proper
life. She also did not know how she was going to live without her other three
children. In addition, she would have to ensure her physical security. Though a
mother of four, she was still young and beautiful. Staying alone in the house,
which was not built very strongly, was not a good idea either. It was a village
and the houses were several yards apart.
The moment to take the hardest decision she had ever made in her life had come.
She thought for a long time. She offered silent prayers to the gods and asked
for blessings. She remembered her late father and asked him to give her enough
strength. She turned to her mother, touched her feet for blessings, and told
her brothers in an unmistakably strong and steady voice,
‘I am going to live here.’
She had made the decision to face life all alone, whatever the odds might be.
And she anticipated all kinds of problems. Her brothers and the neighbours
supported her decision. They assured her that no harm would come to her or the
child. It was a wise, but very hard choice to make. Now that it had been taken,
it was decided to use force to open the door. In the presence of her mother,
brothers and several of the neighbours, she herself broke open the door (so
that her in-laws would not be able to file charges against her brothers for
breaking into their house) to her future, rightful abode. Once again she prayed
silently to the gods and stepped inside.
This was the same house she had originally entered in the traditional manner,
with her right foot first, a few years ago. There were several relatives and
friends cheering her at the time. The atmosphere was filled with happiness and
enthusiasm. She was then a bubbly young woman dressed in the customary bridal
attire. Life was full of dreams, hopes, aspirations and expectations. And now
the situation had changed completely. Some of the same relatives and neighbours
were there to witness the present event. But the hopes and dreams had given way
to anxiety, fear, and uncertainty, and seemingly, a menacing future. There was
much anger at the inhuman treatment and humiliation meted out to the poor
mother.
The challenge Saroj faced had just begun. Fortunately for her, since the
in-laws had left in a hurry, the house was as it should be. There were some
provisions in the kitchen. She did not have to rush to the shop to get
anything. Her clothes were all there as she had left them three months
previously.
The neighbours stayed on a bit to see that everything was all right, then left
one by one after assuring Saroj that she could ask anything of them, including
financial assistance. The cow, which had been given to a neighbour to take care
of ‘till evening,’ was returned to her.
Both brothers stayed with her that day. Her mother remained for a couple more
days till Saroj had settled down and assured her mother that she was all right
and that she could manage without her. Some of their relatives stayed nearby,
too. They would come often to enquire if everything was okay and whether she
needed any assistance. One of the relatives or neighbours stayed with her at
nights. She slowly began to face the challenge flung at her by Venu and his
relatives.
Saroj began growing vegetables in the field with the help of some neighbours.
She was also given much needed financial assistance by relatives and friends.
Damu, the youngest of her brothers (all her brothers were older than her; she
was the youngest) gave her one hundred rupees per month, which was a
considerable sum in those days. He ran a small typewriting firm. Her relatives
visited her often and offered various kinds of help. Gradually, she took
control of the house, the property, the crops, the paddy, and the animals – in
sum, her life.
As the days went by, Saroj became bolder and more self-confident. But the
thoughts about her three elder children haunted her every day. She craved to
see them, to embrace them, to cuddle them, to feed them. Every time she thought
about them her heart would pound like a drum. She would cry at nights, which
was the only time when her mind was not engrossed in daily chores. One day she
decided she had to go and see them, come what may. So the next time she visited
Damu to collect the money, she told him that she couldn’t sleep anymore without
seeing the children.
Meanwhile, a case for divorce had already been filed in the court by Venu and
the hearings had begun. The children were so small that they didn’t know what
was going on. They only knew that there were problems with aunties and grandma
on the one side and their mother on the other. They loved their father and
mother and wanted to love them both together. They did not understand why
aunties and grandma were fighting with mother. Except when they sometimes had
to appear in court, the children and mother did not meet. They were scared even
to talk about their mother lest somebody punish them, which happened on several
occasions. Sometimes they sat together and cried, because it was several months
since they had seen her. How they wished to meet and talk to her! Aunties and
grandma did not allow them to speak to her in the court.
Saroj insisted that she would go and see the children at any cost. She was even
ready to travel the 200 odd kilometres alone to Venu’s place. At last her
brothers agreed. They only hoped that Saroj’s attempt to meet with her children
would not affect the case adversely. Thus, one day Saroj set out along with her
brothers. This time, however, Venu and the others were not informed in advance
and they were taken by surprise when Saroj suddenly appeared before them with
her fourth child in her arms. The brothers remained a short distance away and
watched. They didn’t want Venu to tell the court that Saroj’s brothers attacked
them in the house. Saroj demanded to meet and talk to her children. But they
would not agree. They didn’t want the children to get too upset after meeting
with their mother. There were some heated arguments. The children were in the
house, but were locked in a room.
Saroj realized painfully and despairingly that she would not be allowed to see
the children. She didn’t want to enter the house by force lest it jeopardise
the case. However, she had to give them a fitting reply. And she did something
which no mother would normally dare do. Her heart must have turned almost to
stone to even attempt anything like what she actually did.
She carefully laid the five-month old little boy on the verandah and told her
mother-in-law, ‘Since you are looking after my three children, you can look
after this fourth one, too.’
And, without even looking back, she walked back to where her brothers were
waiting. Everyone was shocked. Nobody had expected anything like this to
happen. Nobody thought Saroj had such guts. Her action was completely
unexpected. During the six-hour journey back home, she did not utter a single
word. She cried silently the whole way. Her brothers thought she would get up
at any moment and shout, ‘Stop the bus, I want to go back!’ But nothing of the
sort happened. They saluted their younger sister and prayed and hoped she would
be able to cope with the difficult times ahead.
Saroj was very disturbed for the next few days. The thought of her children,
especially the youngest, took all her peace and comfort away. The child, only a
few months old, was breastfed. She worried day in and day out. Will they give
him milk? Will they take good care of him? Will they try to kill him to teach
her a lesson? Will they …? Will they … ? There was no end to the questions that
reverberated in her mind. She often felt extreme discomfort in her breasts
because she could not feed her son. She had to extract the milk to ease her
tension. Each time, she shed more tears than milk. She began to wonder if she
had made a mistake by leaving the child behind. She wanted to return and make
sure that everything was all right. But, her pride forbade her. She later found
solace in her belief in the gods. During the next hearing, which took place a
few days later, however, the judge asked Saroj to take back the child, which
she duly did.
The case was fought on three fronts: one, for divorce; two, for monthly
maintenance for Saroj and the child; and three, for possession of the children.
The court decided that Venu must give Saroj a monthly allowance of 30 rupees.
Venu appealed to the higher court. The prolonged court cases were taking a toll
on both sides. To cut a long story short, the court sent the elder boy to live
with Saroj. This happened after the judge called the boy alone to his chamber
and asked him kindly whom he wanted to live with. The boy insisted that he
wanted to go with his mother. The younger children were too small and
frightened to make a decision. The judge must also have taken note that Saroj
did not have any regular income and would not be able to look after all the
children properly. Saroj did not pursue the case for maintenance since she was
tired of the lengthy court procedures. Divorce, too, was granted. So, at the
end of several years of legal wrangling, she had both the boys with her. The
two daughters stayed with their father.
For the next few years, Saroj fought all her adverse circumstances like a
valiant general. Apart from looking after the children, she grew several kinds
of crops on the land. She had a few cows, whose milk she used for her family's
needs and also sold to earn money. In addition, she ran a sari business for
several years. In fact, there was nothing she did not do to bring up her
children in a respectable manner. She did not want anyone to say that the
children had suffered because the father was not with them. She became father
and mother to them. The children, too, were fully aware of their mother’s
plight and contributed in whatever way they could.
* * * * *
After his school studies, the elder child
underwent a teacher training course and got a job as a teacher. His younger
brother became an engineer and after working in a few small firms for a number
of years, set up his own company in Bangalore along with some friends. He is
doing very well now.
The daughters did visit Saroj once before their marriages to get the blessings
of their mother. Saroj met her daughters for the first time after nearly two
decades.
Saroj had fought against all odds and achieved what she wanted, a reasonably
good future for her children. Both her sons married in due course and became
fathers. She was looking forward to living the life of a contented grandma,
caring for her grandchildren when bad luck struck her once again. Her elder son
was killed in an accident a couple of months ago. But she is recovering from
the shock, strong person that she is.
[This is a true story. To protect the people in it, the names have been
changed.]
